How to Have the Worst Valentine's Day Ever! Rule #1: Get to work early. When I say early, I mean leave the house at 5am and walk through darkness, sleet and a jacket that's unsuitable for the weather. It's especially helpful if you get 3 hours of sleep or less!
Rule#2: Don't set yourself up for the tasks ahead, but practice poor time management skills, and what I like to call "Grumpy Judgment". For example, if you work in a coffee shop, inconveniently "forget" to turn on the espresso machines or grind coffee so your first customers will be disappointed and hurt. And therefore won't thank you.
Rule #3: Eat too much, too fast. Then drink lots of chocolate milk and when you have to go to the bathroom, make sure you pick the times when you know it will be occupied so you can do the pee-pee dance and be extra frustrated.
Rule #4: If you haven't gone to the dentist in 4 years, today is the day to get that chipped tooth filled and those swollen gums analyzed. Who doesn't want to be reprimanded about not flossing, and then get to fluoride on Looooooove Day!?
Rule #5: Have to do a university presentation on the themes Incest in the 4th Branch of the Mabinogion. Refer to rule #2 and don't prepare well for it, and juice up the parts about illegitimate super-natural romances.
Rule #5: Be confused about whether or not the person you like likes you. Wink at creepy homelesz men on the street to boost self esteem. Cry when even they don't respond to your advances
Rule #6: The only flowers you should get should be purchased from creepy homelesz rose sellers OR delivered to you by accident because of a messenger who got the wrong address. Or course you should keep the mis-directed flowers and put them in your hair to show other you are faked-loved. Muahaha!
Rule #7: While still intoxicated on local anesthetic, go back to your work place and come up with stupid nicknames for your co-workers, butcher an Adele love song by belting it out with the incorrect notes and lyrics and by whipping your hair back and forth while you whip your hair back and forth, and then laugh hysterically until you are asked to leave for showing signs of being a crazy person.
Rule #8: Re-watch "The Notebook". *shudders and sobs*
Rule #9: Eat an extra bacon-ny sub and listen to your heart burn.
Rule #10: Twirl around and round in a circle in the middle of the street and shout HAPPY VALENTINE'S Day Bitches!!!
PS: don't forget to click the title for my video clip which best summarizes my day today!